WE CAN START HEALING THE HURTS OF THE WORLD
"Two Sides of the Coin--An Apology, Forgiviness"
The Price of Reconciliation and Healing
The incident happened years before. I had been fired from my job unfairly. It was a job I loved and it loved me, too. I had found my calling and then in a matter of minutes, with only a few words, it was gone and there was nothing I could do to get it back. I was hurt and disillusioned. As I attempted to overcome it, I was often given this advice: “Let it go. Just get over it” and I strived to do that. It took me a while, but over time I “got over it.” I worked at it. I didn’t talk about it much. Sometimes something would trigger a memory or a friend would ask about it. Truthfully, I didn’t recognize it as hurt anymore.
Then one day I had lunch with someone who wasn’t there those many years ago, but who now worked for this same organization. Yes, she’d heard the rumors about some of what had transpired, stories that still lived on. But, here’s the crux of the story. As we left lunch and I offered my help and support to her, to an organization that had “hurt” me but that I had a special bond with, this woman said, “I’m sorry for what happened. You’re a remarkable person and I’m glad to know you.”
I’m sorry.
This individual took responsibility for a slight, a hurt, a pain that I thought I had overcome and with those simple words, relief flooded through me. I almost responded, “Why are you apologizing? You didn’t have anything to do with it,” but I stopped myself and said, “Thank you. I accept. I appreciate the sentiment.” And now, the healing has begun. Where I thought I had merely “gotten over it,” now I am finally free.
A long time ago I wrote an article about forgiveness. I told my readers that forgiveness is a balm for most of the world’s ills. In fact, I believe that forgiveness is so important to our world’s health, that we must take it upon ourselves to offer it again and again. The truth is, though, that it takes lots and lots of practice; that it doesn’t come easy, but oh—it is worth it. And yet, what I’m learning is that forgiveness is only one side of the coin. The other side is repentance. Repentance is the “I’m sorry” that comes from genuine remorse and a desire to make it better. Together the “I’m sorry” and “I forgive you” are the coin that paves the way to reconciliation and healing.
But what of the “I’m sorry”? Many of the ills of the world were created by people who are no longer here. Yet, the tragedies of the world still permeate our air space and if no one is willing to offer the first half of the coin, how are we to spend only one-half of a coin? Forgiveness can be given without an apology, but it is not as potent. Without the full coin, you still have an incomplete, unresolved issue. In the story above, one person held the side of the coin that merged the part I had already given. I still believe that it was my responsibility to forgive, but having someone stand for the apology finished it—healed the rift. I’m now whole.
There are many other stories. At a prayer vigil for the earth in Washington, DC, a friend who is a minister offered an apology for what had been done to thousands of our Native brothers and sisters. He took responsibility for making the apology at a ceremony of healing because without it, there was a void that could never be bridged. He understood that the pain caused from broken treaties, displacement, and atrocities too horrible to mention, stood in the midst, ghost-like, but palpable to the soul of a people. He tapped into it through a genuine connection with a people who have offered forgiveness through a charitable spirit of love and compassion.
This wasn’t about guilt as much as it was about acknowledgement of the hurt. If you ask if I want an apology for slavery, I might even say no. After all, I was never a slave. But, truth be told, I’d like an apology for my ancestors, heartfelt and genuine. I want to know that my grandmother’s mother and father and all the unknowns of my ancestry are finally getting their apology and when it comes, I, who stand on their shoulders, accept the apology on their behalf. As a child of the Diaspora, I, who carry the DNA of those whose blood was spilled, can stand for them today. And, I, can stand for those who have been lynched and died at the hands of those “who know not what they do.” That comes from my Christian faith, but there are so many who are willing to stand in the gap for other tragedies. Hiroshima. Germany. South Africa. There are those who will stand in that gap to close the circle of pain into one of healing. But, who will carry the “I’m sorry”? Who will stand for the hurt and pain in genuine remorse and supplication? Who will stand with me?
I’m willing to stand for the “I’m sorry” side of the coin. I know what it feels like on the other side of it, but I’m genuinely sorry for the ills that have happened by my country’s hands, for the abusers of children, with true regret for the pain caused to them. I’m willing to bow my head, lower myself to my knees and stand for the “I’m sorry” that so many need. Can you? Will you join me?
As I’ve listened to other stories of pain on this show and in my travels, I’ve been shown the power of it all. I know it can happen and I have the perfect occasion to start—a day that each of us can take a role—either for the apology or the forgiveness. The spirit of it defies the gravity of any situation, no matter the hurt, no matter the pain. The spirit of it is to move forward to the reconciliation and healing of the world that needs to take place. If in this small ceremony of giving and receiving I believe that lives can change, so can each of you.
The International Day of Peace is September 21, 2008. I’m asking that we meet at churches, at synagogues, at temples, at parks, in homes, on the street—and stand for the apology and the forgiveness. Two people can do it. Thirty people can do it. A thousand people can do it as well. With half standing for the “I’m Sorry!” and the other half standing with “You’re Forgiven,” the work begins. We’ve gotten the hard part out of the way. Then, afterwards, we should start working together in our families, communities, and organizations, to reconcile and heal. The efforts of this one simple ceremony can reverberate around the world as we stand in the gap for all who have gone before us and all the good that can now come.
I’m sending out a request to all my relationships across the board—The Rothko, Interfaith Ministries, my church, my friends, my family. I’m asking that we take a place—either in the circle of Apology or the Circle of Forgiveness. You can carry signs that say “I’m sorry for Hiroshima,” or “I’m sorry for abusing a child,” or “I’m sorry for not ending Apartheid sooner (in any place that it is taking place)” --- and I want someone or many to go and accept that apology. Today, I give my forgiveness for the millions of children without healthcare. That’s a for instance, but it doesn’t stop there. Now the work begins. No one has to feel guilty because the full coin will let us purchase time, efforts, commitment—working together. That’s you and me.
So, you can call me at 713-893-1304 and tell me you want to participate. I’ll help you do it. You can email me at info@thepeacehour.org. I’ll respond back. Here at KPFT, the Decade of Nonviolence, in my work with United Religions Initiative and the World Peace Prayer Society, the many places we talk about building a better world, let’s hold the powerful synergy of the Apology and Forgiveness and start the reconciliation and healing process that eludes us. Today.
May Peace Prevail on Earth.
