"Where there is hatred, sow love ..."The stage was devoid of people. Chairs and a podium were all that identified that a program was to start. How soon? No one was quite sure. I sat and watched the empty chairs, waiting on the program to begin and waiting on my reason for being in this place.
These days I'm not standing on ceremony. I'm not trying to be politically correct, overly polite or especially not, the gentle giant! Then I saw him. My reason. The beginning of the story that would culminate the next evening at Sage at Woodway in Houston. But, for now, I'd like to call your attention to this man. He's placing pictures in front of the podium. Two, in fact. The first is a picture of a soldier. Solemn. Dry. The second picture is of a young man with dancing eyes and a slight, but irresistable smile. It's a casual moment. He's wearing a striped shirt. He's loving the moment and he is loved at that moment. The man placing the pictures, stops and gently kisses the casual picture. A tear slowly rolls down his cheek. I'm here for him, I think. I look around. No one else has noticed.
I'm uncomfortable because more and more I'm paying attention. And you can't sit on your hands when witnessing such events as this one. I know without asking that this is the father of the young man--the soldier, yes, but the father of the son with the dancing eyes and charming smile. As he walks away, I come forward and ask him if I might hug him and share a moment in his grief as well as his love for his son.
This has made me consider DEATH and HONOR. We hear these words batted around ... like dying for noble causes: HONOR? I think not. These days the words are used simultaneously. Death AND Honor as in a soldier's death can an honorable one. I would agree with that in theory. Dying to protect a worthy cause. That's an honorable death. That is Death with Honor. Similar in nature ... the "and" and "with" being somewhat synonomous with a slight deviation. This in turn leads to the defining of noble causes. Death and Honor come about only with nobel intentions. Death with Honor are for noble causes. And this is the rub. The death and honor of these young men and women are without question. Their intentions were noble, protecting hearth and home. Their death with honor is lacking acceptance because there was and is no noble cause to justify their deaths!
How do we adjust?
"How can we find a way to honor our dead? The wars of the 21st century have brought tremendous suffering to the world. How do we make our children's deaths count for something?"I understand pain. There's a Biblical scripture that talks about a time when children won't die before their parents. It talks about an order to the nature of things. We have children, grow older and pass on. Our children bury us with a heart that knows completion. He lived a full life. She lived life her way. None of this happens when our children die before us. I still think of my granddaughter and the short life she had. Yet, whether she was here for a day (in fact it was seven) or seventy years, I was supposed to go first. Period! I also know how my grandmother felt. When her sons died, one at the tender age of 2 and the other at 52, she lost a little more of herself. In later years, I would hear her speak of my Uncle as if she just talked to him although he had been dead a few years.
I've also listened to the parents of those children--yes, children? My children are 26, 27 and 32. They are grown, but I would suffer greatly if one of them were lost to me in death. I know just how painful that can be because my precious Mellilah left before her time. And knowing just that much gives me a small inkling of having someone die who didn't have to die. And isn't that the real issue here? Did these sons and daughters have to die? The answer, they will tell you, is a simple, but resounding "NO!" One would be too many, but the numbers are in the thousands now and before someone else tells me about how many died in WWII or in Vietnam, let me just say this --- we're older and should be wiser. War is not the answer. These deaths did not have to be.
So, there is no genuine comfort in the ceremonies that lay them to rest. For many parents, the souls of these sons and daughters cannot rest because they died unjustly. It wasn't their time and no amount of "honor" or "noble causes" talk can make it so.
So, I listened to the mothers and father that night. I saw the grief in their eyes and I felt the pain in their hearts. But, I also saw resolve. They are ready to wage peace in the names of these children, gone too soon and for no apparent good reason. In order that they bring honor to the lives of their children, they must wage a battle to protect other children. And when they end this war---and mind you, I believe with everything that is in me that they will see that it happens---when this war ends, then their children's deaths will not have been in vain.
"We must make the commitment to JUSTICE and HEALING! And we must do it through non-violent action. True patriotism requires this path of redemption for us all. We must become the instrument of peace."P.K. McCary
